Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
