I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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