I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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