I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize