He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
