The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
