Only a mothe r could love this liver
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
