did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
