Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
