i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
