You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
