i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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