so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
