TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
