I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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