I need help removing her.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
