Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
