I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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