Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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