Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
