like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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