So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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