morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
