before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize