If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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