Duck Duck Cougar?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
