i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
