just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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