Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize