I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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