First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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