I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
