Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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