You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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