Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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