so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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