Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
