How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
