I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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