My nipple is on Facebook.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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