i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
