Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
