Tell her she can't have a vagina
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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