There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
