thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
