And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
