he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
