I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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