I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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