$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
