I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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