swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
