found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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