Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
