opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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