ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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