I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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