a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
