I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
