your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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