This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize