Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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