i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
