I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize