OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
