would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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