John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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