your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
