I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize