you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
