I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
