Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I look better un-naked...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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