so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
