Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
