Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
