You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How external is "for external use only"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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