Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
