the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
