Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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