i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Even the bartender felt bad for me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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