Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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