Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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