Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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