Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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