I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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