i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
