I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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