Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
