i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
