please come you make the beer taste better
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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