I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
