Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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