Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
