what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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