I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
