He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
