I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Randomize
