She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
