Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
